sigh...this thing has been in my mind for the whole of today...singing all those lovey songs seeing married couples happily together...
what do i actually want in life? do i really want all those material comforts that i always longed for? or do i just want a simple marriage and live happily ever.
in my past entries, i mentioned i want someone who drives, someone who can actually pamper me.....well, all these seem so unimportant to me at times. especially today. when i saw many many married couples, happily going home with take away yong tau foo, strolling around with kids, going on a cheap backpack holiday to malaysia and taking a bus back home. all the small and simple things but its these small things that can actually bring happiness in people. at that moment, fine dining, posh cars and everything seem so materialistic and so unimportant.
at one point in time, i wanted someone to care for me, love me, treat me good, etc....it was all about ME, ME, ME.....but i felt an empty void inside me. it now seems that there is greater joy in giving and caring for people.
at another point in time, i wanted someont to be there for me 24/7. call me every night, spend every extra time with me. come to think of it, its a pretty dumb thing. i dunno why at that point in time it seems right. i am his girlfriend, so i should come first. but all these are just selfish thoughts. well, in the past i guess i lacked the trust. therefore was very scared of losing him. i guess trust is very important in any relationship. something i have yet to learn.
it seems like the first relationship i had was the sweetest and most innocent one. everything seems so perfect. i had no expectation, no nothing and it was just going by the feeling....following the heart. but after many hurts, i realized following your heart is just such naive thinking. how i envy those who never have been in a relationship. right now, to me, it all seems like something scarey and hurting and ugly. and i have no intention of stepping into one in the near future.
i still do not know what i want in life and what i look for in a partner. everyday i learn new things about myself. i guess will be someone who longs for true love to comes by and in the end ends up with nothing....i dunno....until i know what i want, or until someone who knows what i want comes along, i guess i am not going to care so much...:) i know God has a plan for me and i am willing to accept what He has planned...
just got home after a long and tiring day. went to the wing tai sale which i got to learn from abel's blog~! thanks abel~!!!!! see~!! its good to occassionally check on your friend's blog....:D the next one is the shoe sale. anyone? haha... woooo....had a long long journey there....okies. bought a nice cardigan, orange top, underwear, and a nice nike bottom....wow...the nike bottom...really kinda regret buying it...it cost like $30~!!!!!!! okies, its actual price was like $68. so its kinda worth it but....sobz.....spent $45.. later hungry and greedy choo decided to go jack's place..haha...kidding about the hungry and greedy part...:P wow...another $15.....and she wanted to do something spontaneous......at first she suggested bowling.....then pool......and in the end finally settled for ktv~!!! woohooo~!! luckily it was pretty cheap.... but it cost $18....
total amount spent: $78 = one day's work...:(
emotion now: guilty
solution: work harder...:(
anyway, had a blast. although feeling kinda tired and sick now.....