Friday, July 30, 2004

Introducing u to my sad life...

okies, instead of writing of my everyday life, this entry is going to be a little different. i know its been very long since i updated my journal. been sorta busy and wasn't in the mood for doing anything. i guess its pms or issit stress or issit just me? i have been getting aggitated and angry very easily, even with my friends... i know im in the wrong, but i feel real angry and aggitated and irritated....i dunno why....to all my friends i have thrown my tantrums on, i sincerely apologize....sorry

well, i still feel moody and every single thing is gonna irritate me....i dunno lah...i really dunno...guess im going through this funny self identity period. i have been feeling this way since my ex left for europe without telling me... i dunno why but i feel cheated, real cheated. he just left this box of stuff with his brother for me to collect. and im not gonna meet his crazy psycho brother. i dunno lah~! i also dunno wat i want now. i feel real lost and just feel funny...i have this whole mixed feeling. dunno how to express it in words. just living everyday and see what new thing each new day can bring...

wait, in case u guys think i cant get over my ex or something, u are wrong~!!! or maybe u are correct. i dunno....again i really dunno...i dont like him anymore. but i feel empty without him... its like u have been using this same ugly mug for years and suddenly its broken. though its ugly and u dont really like it, u miss it and feel lost without it......hahaha...i know this is a real bad example but im brain dead now and i cant think of any. hahaha...

aiyah, im like writing crap.  to add into my crap, i shall type out the poem i wrote for my ex last time...muhahaha..its not really a poem, and its super not poetic...but what the heck...i even wrote a song...but then i shall just stick with the poem. enjoy...hahahaha

shit...on second thought, i cant find my journal which i wrote my poem in. shall update it another time when i manage to dig it up...muhahahaa.....

sigh...i just feel like crapping on and on...it seems fun typing into a computer screen and seeing the letters slowly forming on the screen...hahaha....yah....im that wu liao...:P but what to do when my mind, heart and soul is in a mess??? feel like going abroad. i feel like going to europe....okok..i miss him.....whenever my bus pass by his place...i will think of him....and my buss pass by there almost everyday...so...i think of him everyday? so shitty.....thats the problem when he lives so near to u..hahaha

well, anyway, im just typing out what exactly im thinking now and its super incoherent....u all can stop reading...but i just wanna type....lalalala.....and i feel like shitting now....my tummy feels funny.. guess ive tobeen eating o much lately....growing fatter ah.... and i stopped exercising. oh gosh.....gotta exercise and learn driving once school start....and i gotta work on my face....its getting worse....dunno wat to do..hahaha...oh yah...my teeth too..gotta do something to it.....gonna either put braces or crown it...its getting uglier. oh yah...and my eyes too...gotta go for lasik...sigh....its like my whole body needs correction.

oh yah...these few days, im like addicted to gb. cos i keep playing with the pros and i keep winning...so im happy...at least thats one thing that makes me happy... well, thats superficial happiness....i still feel like a sad little girl inside who is lost. aiyah, why is life so complicated....its so hard living life....aiyah....dunno wat rubbish im writing...

i miss my sister...i miss o-camp....i miss everything. why do time have to pass and everything good have to come to an end? all these can only be kept as a memory and as time goes by, all these memories will slowly fade and eventually be forgotten. good memories are painful too....u just keep longing for it knowing it will never happen again......shit...im toking rubbish again...

i gotta go sleep but i cant...its like an old habit..i just cant sleep so late. gotta hang around my comp for some time before putting myself to sleep. and i just hate lying on the bed and making myself sleep. i used to talk to him every night, well, at least almost everynight before i went to sleep. either that or he will call and wake me up at the most awkward time...but i will put my phone below my pillow everynight, so that i wont miss his calls... now, the phone hardly rings at night.... everytime a private number calls, i will get so excited and so scared to pick it up....sigh...i really dunno lah....dont wanna remind me of the past, but it just comes back and thinking of the times we had in the past makes me tear.  kurt homi junto neubrana lim jun xi (aiyah...forgot how to spell lah...) i miss u...i really do....but i know i cant love u anymore. my heart just couldn't trust u anymore after what u did....but i dunno why i long so much for u. i wanna forget u but i cant.  i hate it when people cheat me. i hate it when im not known of the truth. i hate your brother too for covering up for you. i hate your brother for acting like a jerk. i hate u for being a coward. i hate u for being a liar. i hate u for saying those things to me. i hate u for making me feel this way now. i just hate u~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aiyah, im like blaming u for everything. its my fault too...its my fault for hurting you. its my fault for not trusting you. its my fault for being greedy. life sux eh...it really does. things just dont get done the way u want them to. but i guess everything happens for a reason, whatever the shitty reason is...

 
sigh.....i think im breaking down again... i better stop here before i become hysterical and start blaming the whole world for how i feel now. im sure its just pms and everything will be over and okie and fine tomorrow. hopefully.....goodnight sad and cruel world....
 
aiyah, just realised something. i get real emotional easily these few days. i dunno why but i can cry at almost anything. guess too much tears in me...anyone want some? haha..ok..really good night. gotta play ice-breakers with my freshies later...:)


Sunday, July 18, 2004

Ken's farewell letter


this is the letter ken gave each one of us~!!1 cant really see my name due to lousy camera quality...:P so sweet rite?~!:) Posted by Hello

Friday, July 16, 2004

Date: 15 July 2004

yup~! today is thursday. the super busy and super packed day.
woke up at like 8am today to get r4eady for ME talk. it was still raining and i was tempted to go back to sleep, but i guess studies are more important than sleep so i dragged myself up....but i was really debating in my mind as to go or not....argh...

was 30mins late for the talk (as usual) hahaha....and after that had a short tea reception. the food was ok...but the honeydew pudding was not exactly nice. so we were saying as to use for forfeit~! hahaha...so we dabao-ed some as well as some sauces and also stole some plastic cups...hahaha...

after the ME talk, me, jimmy, serene, zu went to PS to shop for a while before meeting eva, jiali and amy. they were all late~! but we were late too..hahahhaa...:P after eva amy and jiali reached, we said bye to zu and
serene and started shopping for jennifer's birthday....and we decided on a addidas or was it nike waist pouch? yeah......pretyy nice...and we also bought a swensen ice cream cake to celebrate...:)
carol later came together with jennifer....and both of them got a shocked when we were actually celebrating jenn's birthday. cos they thought today was eva's birthday~! muhahaha....their reactions were funny~! hahahaha..:P

after that...we just walked around a little...then me and amy left for pasir ris.....wow...the jounrney was okie....but when we reached whitesands, amy and i shopped there for like 2hrs~!!!! it was
amy who was the shopaholic~! i was trying to pull amy out of the shops~! we were like trying out all the lotions in marks and spenser....then checking out all the prices of goods...(amy's forte)..hahaha.....but had fun lah....

after our eye shopping, went to the chalet to meet them....okies...had fun bbq-ing. just that yude and jianqiang dint wanna give me their chocolate marshmellow~!!!! argh~!!@#!@# so angree~!!
later we played the fast-food game.....and the forfeit was to eat the "yummy" honeydew pudding we stole from ME reception...hahaha...i had to eat one and my tummy felt a little uncomfortable in the MRT on the way home. and i rushed for the toilet the first thing i reached home~! hahahaha...

oh yah~!!! ken gave each of us a letter!!!!!!!! wow, i was pretty touched. okies, very touched.
it is this personal letter and he wrote such a long and touching letter.....about how was his first impression of me and how he was impressed by me and his concerns etc....my nose stung abit...hahaha....sigh...
ken is such a good guy. he has every good qualities.....so sensitive....hahaha...oh no...please dont get the wrong idea. im just saying he is a good guy and all.....not that kind ah~! muhahaha...but he is really very very good...i would say girls who like him have super good taste~! muhahahaa....

oh yah...talking about taste, i think i have good taste~! muhahaha.....especially my "ah-soh" sun-glasses~! muhahaha...okies...out of point.....i think im again crapping...i just cant stop after starting...hahaha...:P




Date: 14 July 2004

today is 15july but i shall update yesterday's entry...

okies...today is wednesday. stayed at home and slacked the whole day. went out for dinner at night at some korean restaurant and ate till pretty full..hahaha....after that, went over to PS to watch BROTHERHOOD~!! its a supper nice movie~! i give 1.5 thumbs up~! hahaha.....should go watch it. not only are the actors and actresses pretty, the story and everything is good...hahaha...

okies. now comes the sad part. just heard that my secondary school classmate committed suicide and his wake is tomolo. pretty sad but im more of shocked. i dint realised that anyone around me will actually commit suicide. why end one's life and others are dying to live? life is so fragile. it makes me wanna treasure every single one around me more....im still in a state of shock and i still dunno how he had the courage to kill himself? and i heard from jiali and eva that if you commit suicide, you will still be handcuffed even dead. wah...pretty mean for them to handcuff someone who is already dead. its like bounding them to the earth when their souls are already elsewhere...okies, i think im making no sense...hahahaha....

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Me and my darling Sister


hahaha...yes, this is me and my sister doing some ugly pose at the best denki in PS. dont we look oh so cute? hahaha...she just camed back from korea for her hols and will be going back soon...how im gonna miss her....:( Posted by Hello

Me and my sec school friend siting who went aussie...:(


me and siting~! she just came back from aussie and i missed her soooo much~!!!! *muacks* Posted by Hello

yay~! finally updating my bloggie...hahaha

yesh....finally...i was busy...or rather lazy(as usual) hahaha...oh yeah...last week, was the o-week dry run. well, the dry run went quite smoothly..not bad...the fright night was comical and at some stations, it was kinda scary~! peng keong got hit by the swinging door while trying to scare me and amy...hahaha....retribution i should say..hahaha. okies, i shouldn't be soo mean. but still, hahahaha....anyway, i feel that im starting to crap now.

okies, after the dry run, i realised my face have white patches and stuffs. at first it wasnt so obvious. but it got worse everyday. so today, i went to the doctor. the docotr told me its some kinda fungal infection. BUT NOT TO WORRY~! ITS NOT SERIOUS~!!!hahaha...in case some of u freak out and quarantine me...

hmmm...i dunno why i've been craving for sweet stuffs lately. chocolates, ice creams, mud-pies, bananas......everything sweet~! i think im gaining back all the weight....hahaha...but fret not~! im still going religiously to AMORE...:) okies, maybe not everyday like last time but at least once a week~! hahaha...

oh yah~! just had an outing with the 4/5 people yesterday to celebrate ailian and eric's birthday~! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOTH OF U~! (oh yah~! jasmine tooo~!!! and jennifer happy be-lated birthday~!!!)hahaha....it was real fun and we were like creating lotsa noise at fish and co. hahaha. the swensens ice-cream cake was yummy too~!!

hmmmm...wat else did i wanna say? well, i have forgotten. i will write it when the time comes.. till then, adios~!

Saturday, July 03, 2004

The everyone-so-off photo


hahaha...i found this photo super amusing.i wonder who took it...hahahah.....everyone look so off~! Posted by Hello

my evil twin chooliana and me, jooliana~! hahaha..:) Posted by Hello

Friday, July 02, 2004

wow~! it has been quite some time since i last updated this bloggie.....kinda lazy and the novelty wears off...hahaha...okies....im lazy~! yay~! hahaha....im bored these few days after the camp...its like nothing to look forward to.....okie, there is o week but its a totally different thing.

anyway, my sister just came back from korea and im so happy to see her... although real irritating, but...hahaha..ok lah...she lightens up my whole house and my parents are all very happy...been shopping and shopping....bought 2 shoes and a bag. but wow...it cost a bomb....ouch..hahah..but not my money...:P

oh...had a o camp comm outing on wednesday, we caught a movie>>SPIDERMAN 2. well..it was okie. the sound effects were WOW~! trembling~! hahaha...and after that, went marche for dinner....we made so much noise there that everyone there was like looking at us..but i guess we dint really bother..cos we are bimbos~!!! hahahaha.....had a really great outing...major outing...really had fun~! hahahaha....after that, went zouk~! yeah~!! my first clubbing experience other than the bash...its totally different. too bad we had to leave early. darn~! hoped to stay on longer. when we went to collect our bags, cailing dropped her keytag and had to pay a $8 fine. luckily its just $8. later shared a cab home...when i reached home, i was like so smelly~! stinking of cigar smell..hahha...but real great experience and real great fun. cant wait for the next clubbing time~! and just found out that my friend has a zouk membership card~! so i can get in there for free even though its not a ladies night~! yeay~!!! but i just quarrelled with him...so heck lah~! hahahaha...okies...thats about it folks~!

oh yah...real happy that my cute evil twin, miss chooliana the piggy wrote a special post for me in the bloggie ! really very happy and touched...heehee...i will dedicate one post to her too....well, someday....hahahha.....okies....yay~! end of blog~!